Growing Up

Growing Up 

Someone said, “Maturity starts when drama ends” 

Speaking the truth in love is not easy

It is something we all need to work at

Don’t let your emotions get in the way of truth and love

I am sure you have heard or read Ephesians 4:15…

“Instead, speaking the truth in love”.

This phrase is in the context of growing up.

As infants we learn how to speak.

Our teachers are our parents the

ones feeding us and clothing us.

It is not only the words we

learn but how to say them.

If you came from a family in the deep

south you would say your words

with a draw, we call it an accent.

 

There are a lot of things we learn about com-

munication in the first few years of our lives.

From this foundation we develop our

communication from other sources

like the media, school and friends.

I don’t think most of us think

about our communication…

But Communication is Key.

Communication is also very involved,

 not only are there words, and accents…

There is the emotional element.

We all get hurt, suspicious, mistrusting,

and frustrated more than we’d like.

When these things happen it becomes

hard to speak the truth in love.

Self-defense principles of psychological survival engage

us in techniques that lead us to become more and more

alienated and estranged from those we wish to keep closest.

As little children we learn to hide the truth.

To achieve real intimacy, integrity, and lasting

love in a relationship it is important we

identify and avoid killers of communication.

One of the killers of communication is “intimidation”.

This is a technique to manipulate,

control, and punish others.

This can be overt and aggressive

or covert and submissive.

The covert behavior leaves the other

party feeling guilty and responsible

for the other person’s unhappiness.

During a conversation, where one person responds by

being miserable, self-hating or self-destructive, it is

virtually impossible for the other person not to submit.

The conversation is over;

the intimidating person has won.

The truth is…

Both have suffered disastrous defeats.

The dictionary says that to intimidate

“implies reduction to a state where the

spirit is broken or all courage is lost.”

This certainly defines the emotional state of a

person who has been frightened into submission.

The cost to the intimidating person is also high.

When we employ intimidation, whether

consciously or unconsciously, we must

forfeit our capacity to be a rational individual

to make informed, un-coerced decisions,

leaving our spirit broken and courage lost.

At these times we are inclined to feel critical

 toward the other person for their weakness in

submitting to us and critical of ourselves for

acting out in a manipulative manner.

Speaking the truth in love is not easy.

It is something we all need to work at.

Don’t let your emotions get

in the way of truth and love.

Scripture Reading

Ephesians 4:11-24 NIV

11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21 Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.